Who I am and Why I Believe ( a bit of a ramble )

    I have had a lot of things on my mind lately, and a lot of chances recently to share with various people as to why I joined the Church I did, and why I believe as I do. I thought maybe if I blogged about it I could accomplish 2 things.. 1.) I could sort out all the billions of thoughts in my head about my past and what brought to where I am today, and 2.) I could direct people here next time it came up so I don't have to stand there trying to explain 45 years of my life in some crazy 5 minute rush of what sounds like nonsense :) 
I will attempt to explain it without too much rambling LOL

The Basics:
I am Kelly,
Wife to 1,
Mom to 8.
I am a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as of almost 15 years ago.

Slightly more detail :)

6 of my children our biologically mine, 3 with my husband.

Two came to us from a family member at ages 2 and 5.  Both have suffered abuse and drug exposure. These is not family members I was close to. I had never even seen pictures of these children before they came to our home.

I was a teenage Mother. Twice in a sense as I gave birth at 17 and 19.

I was not raised in any religion, and was never taught about God or Jesus Christ.


And probably more information then you wanted to know :)

I survived a suicide attempt at the age of 16, barely.

I grew up in domestic violence.

I used to work in the "adult entertainment industry" ( No I did not make movies)

I have struggled with drugs and alcohol since I was 12.

So with those things out there now I want to talk about how I spent my life searching for something to fill the empty void in my heart. Starting very young I reached out and threw myself into full force anything that I thought would make me feel good. Wether it be drugs, alcohol, boys, etc.
I craved something that would take away the emptiness and make me feel good even if it just be for a few moments. Sadly looking back now the damage I caused to myself and others living like this is heartbreaking. Because all I really did was make life worse for myself and caused myself more heartache. Someone once posted the statement on their Facebook status " Heaven or Hell. Hate or Anger"  My reply.. " I have been to Hell, and I know hate and anger, none of these are what you want to have" My heart is so sad when I see things like this on kids Facebook or Instagram pages. I know what it feels like to be that lost teenager, to wonder why is everything so bad, so hard, not fair. To have the people that are suppose to love and protect you, fail you. To feel like life isn't worth it, and neither are you.

  I spent my teen and early adult years running. I was always running from something. When really I was only running from myself. My own pain, and instead of searching out something good, the bad things I brought in created more pain. I thank God everyday that when I was 24 I met someone amazing. He was just a friend of my brothers. 21 years old. Quiet, shy, kind. The complete opposite of me :) We quickly fell in love, moved in together , had a beautiful daughter, then married. She was followed by a son. We were happy, I was happy. But not completely, something was missing. Through a series of events we were both lead to learn about the Mormon church. The more I learned, the better I felt. Then being baptized, and changing my life around I finally felt complete. Over the past 15 years I have still had a lot of trials, life has been FAR from perfect. But knowing that there is someone watching over me, cheering me on to do good, loving me even when I don't love myself. Makes everything easier to deal with somehow....